Its you! Why you i dont know but it is. To me its always been you. One day i hope you will wake up and realize its me. Because for so long to me theres only been you. I hope you realize one day you can grasp the fact that i will ALWAYS love you. Crazy as it sounds i couldnt stop if i wanted to. Your that feeling that never goes away. Your always somewhere. On my mind in my heart in my dreams. You me together, we could make the world jealous. We could have love it could be amazing, not mine not yours, but ours. Something to call ours. If nothing else just that. Our Love, so infinate, so dynamic, so real but not tangible. I can have my cake but cant eat it! All dressed up with no where to go. But dont get me wrong our love never falls short. Short haha like us. Were so right but so wrong just the best kind of imperfection that we prefect in itself. We prefect imperfection!

Quitely, Im crying inside. So quite you can barely hear it. They burry their sobs within the words i form. And whisper quite nothings when the words spring from my mouth. Sulking in their sorrow, their story is quite sad. With nothing but love for you, nothing but caring, compassionate thoughts ever formed around your very existance. But now… they feel rejected. You push them away like an ugly nobody. Why is it that now you dont care? Why is it now that it doesnt matter? Why is it now when i need you to be strong, your failing me? Why is it that now,when i need you, your not here? This hole being in love thing, really isnt what its cracked up to be. It hurts, it fails you, dissapoints you, hurts you, crushes you, its breaking you…. breaking me. Im trying, im trying so hard to fight the good fight, to do the right thing and be here through your rough time like a good woman should. I could have as easily left, but im right here. And maybe thats where i went wrong, if i had walked away would it be easier? If i would have kept closed, not had let you in, would i be in this position today? Today when i call, and theres not a single word we say to each other. When silence fills what used to be the good times. What happened? time passed so fast and i put so much into it, so much work, what now? do i stay? and tend to one that is on the edge of death. or do i walk away and let you go? let the memories fade, let you destroy yourself like you are trying. If i leave will you be okay? Will you cry? Will you care? Will you care to know that it hurt so bad to turn my back on the only person i have right now. Its you… i love you… and its going to kill me.

I wonder if he knows that I smile when I see his name. I wonder if he thought of us as just playing a game. I wonder if he cried, the way he made me cry. I wonder if he’s being honest or just telling me more lies. I wonder if he misses me. I wonder if he cares. I wonder if he gives a dam from clear the hell out there. I wonder how he’s feeling I wonder if he says me name. I wonder if I never left if things would be the same. I wonder if when he looks at her, if he ever thinks if me. I wonder if I had just let go would you had just forgotten about me. I wonder who you think about, when you close your eyes to sleep. I wonder if we re did the past, if you would let me fall so deep. I wonder if she showed you that I was the better pick. I wonder if you knew that I was not just another chick. I wonder if I tell you that you’re still in my mind, if you will tell me you still miss me n u remember being mine. I wonder if he was out the picture if you would say a word, or if you would just go keep on living, I know my questions are obsurd. I wonder if I told you that I’m crazy for your smile, if you would promise me that tonight I’ll be the number that you dial. I wonder if you wonder too, or if you already let me go. I wonder if you still love me, I guess I’ll never know.

Your killin me slowly, but because i love you, ill let you kill me. Id rather see you smile than to see the sun shine. Because hearin your tears is like going through a million stormy nights. Your happiness is what motivates me. Your my great motivation, like a new insperation, a love that hasn’t been felt by this generation. I love you more than the stars in the sky, the sand on the beach, the water in the ocean. I love you with all i have to give and im hoping that is enough to get through the distance and the problems. Hope that the feelings i have for you are strong enough to get through the tears and the fighting that goes on between us. I hope that you know you mean the world  to me, your what drives my train wreck through this madness we call life. Because when i have you, its like having the whole world in my hands. I know no feeling better than the one you give me. Your voice is weakness, your breathing calms my nerves, your heartbeat, is the only thing that seperates this reality from my dreams. Your my dream come true, rough around the edges but perfect in my eyes. Id pick you over every guy in the room, becase one night in your arms is better than a lifetime with anyone else. You are my sunshine, and whenever i hear your voice, you drive away my storm clouds, you take away my bad feelings, you take away all the hurt. I don’t know what i would do without you. No one can make me smile like you do, the way you light up my life, you make me the happiest a girl could be. I just can’t let you go. I can’t be away from you. This is an everlasting contract on my life, of our love. Lets flip a coin, heads your mine, tails im yours. Sign it at the bottom and we only have the rest of forever together. Are you in or are you in? Because baby im down, Be my forever, ill be here for you always… i promise.

x.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

I saw him today… His name lit up across the screen like the smile that lit up on my face by the way he said my name. Three words six letters one breath a thousand memories. From the first meeting in the kitchen to the last kiss on the side of the road. He trespassed my mind the same way he entered in the first place. His smile, his eyes, his hands, his smell, his touch, the way that when you look at at him… you can see into his soul. That sparkle , that spark, that flame. He still has it. The way my heart leaped when i saw his name. The irresistable twitch to talk to him. Close my eyes and im right back in the moment. In his arms , the only place i wanted to be. Months have passed since words have been exchanged, a year has passed since we’ve touched. But in the burst of the moment i was that little girl with the brown eyes at the begining of the summer. The girl who fell so deeply and irrecoverably in love with this boy. The boy across the street. The boy who sang her to tears, and wrote a melody to her heartbeat. The boy who broke her heart to pieces and left her sobbing on the floor. I was back to the girl who was so willing to fall, and he was the one who gave me the extra push. And i fell. Just like he knew he i would. And even though he broke me,he hurt me, he left me… I was crazy about him. And for that one single moment as i reminised on the past… i fell all over again. Once i regret him, twice i denied him, but never did i forget him. As his name fadded from the screen and his presance has vanished from my existance once again. That light he lit inside me died… because once again… i was left in the darkness, by the one who got away.

X.:MIzz_Tear_Drop:.

Mija stop your crying, wipe that water from your eyes. Don’t drop another tear, no one’s coming for you tonight. A sobbing mess curled in the bathroom her body cold across the floor. And the only time she let’s go is when she’s locked behind a door. This is her silent midnight breakdown, her sobs are muffled through the air, her broken heart is throbbing, she hides her pain behind her hair. Inside her eyes there is a small girl, forced to grow up fast, her soul is stained with pain, and memories of the past. Her burden grows quite heavy as she carries it on her back, she knows she’s needing help, but has too much pride to ask. She hides behind a smile, that they register as strength, but behind every disguise is a story of great length. She loved him so unconditionaly, that she let him break her heart, but it never broke again because it was broken from the start. He left her all alone, and he hardly ever cared, about the girl at home crying, so detatched from life and scared. She won’t trust anther man because they all have done her wrong. With so many issues here to deal she thinks it’s been her all along. She’s hurting everyday, a pian most misunderstand, on the damage thats been created by trying to trust a man. Her saddness turns to anger, flash from sad to mad. All because the man her broke her, the man she called her dad…

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Im just so fuckin sick of this shyt, im atrractin more haterz than im attractin dick, can’t keep these bitchez off my whip wit 99 problems which one you pick? But i aint bitchin i aint cryin, all these haterz they just lyin. Sumtimez i dnt kno why im tryin, outside im strong but inside im dyin. they say my name but they dnt kno, who i am, im not some hoe. but all the drama i let go, im above all this shyt fo sho. ill let them hate and watch em mess, not worth loosin sleep or gainin stress. they fucked me over like the rest, guess she aint the friend i call my best. take what you want im done with you, you turned on me like you turned on blue. he aint gonna like the things you do. you know it cant eva be just you two. naw you a player and he’s a go getta, got her and left her before he even met her, he even wote that break up letter on the very day they got together. and you gonna play him dont even lie. its me or him so you decide. if you were really sorry you wouldnta tried. u made ya choice thats why im cryin. i thought you were down but you proved me wrong, you change your men like you change your thong. Ive been waitin for him to come around, and you aint even tryna catch the rebound, naw u got in front and now you frontin to my face. Girl you know i love you but you way outta ya place. I want him so bad but i know he aint good for me. I guess it took all this for me to see. That you play dirty and he aint right, but i aint gonna trip, this aint worth this fight. You get steppin and take him too, cuz him datin me would be like datin you. We were so close we like the same, the only differance was our names. But checkin now we so different for real, your supposed to be my girl so what he fucks your deal? Now you wanna talk shyt on us? Like dating my boy wasn’t enough? You got 7 men in different states, but this one right here the one you take? What the fucks up, this shyt aint cool. You playin me like you play those fools. Cuz what you did, its like against the rules. Talk your shyt but ya sayin its my fault? cuz you split with him cuz u cant act like an a-dult. You playin big girl games but you act like a lil kid. Cant take responsiblity for the stupid shyt you did. Usin big girl words, wearin big girl shoes, when you dont even understand the words ya use. You wanna get down, in ya big girl pants, well ya pants too big thats why they keep fallin, maybe thats why ya can’t keep em on, and ya think ya ballin. Girl go on and play just know the shyt you spittin wakk, I dont need ya, got me an myself, i can watch my own back.

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Tha sickest of the sick, the baddest of the bad, my ex is gettin mad, cuz i was the "best he eva had". I screwd him over big time, but i told him frm the start, Baby i aint good for you, im gonna break your heart. But he said naw babe forget it, its gonna be aight. 2 months later we together, n everydays a fight.  I miss you, and i love you, naw all those words be gone, now he tellin me, he gonna dis me in his song. I hope u make it big time, get that money n them hoez, be that cholo on the big screen, that everybody knows. I aint gon wish u wrong, cuz im above ur grimey games, cuz by next month ima be a mistake on ur list thats full of names. "I can’t live without you, i wanna be with you forever…" but all i wanted was for you to care, but did you? Naw not never! Don’t cry over me, cuz ur just waistin your time, I dont need you or your lies just to keep me on cloud nine. Take my homie n my best friend, i guess they aint down. You can take whatever n all yall can go clown. I got what i need, just me myself and I, i dunno if ima make it, but fresh to death ima try. Get steppin wit ur haterz, get on with ur game… I be "the best you eva had" dnt forget my name………

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Gotta get this down, gotta get it right. Can’t get it sloppy, gotta keep this tight. Let a few lines fly past me, now they outta sight, don’t remember a damn thing but it’s all aight.  Got this madness rackin in my brain, but everytime it come through it never comes the same. Lyrics with no music, words that got no beat, but i can feel em from my finger tips, flowing to my feet. Maddness is what they call it, crazy is what i be, but everynight i close my eyes, chaos is what i see. Beat is thumpping on the inside, waiting to break loose and just get out, gotta stand up and tell this cruel world, who i am, what im bout. Heads turning, ya you know me, and theres so much more than you see, the baddest, and the best, thats what ima be.  Member when you told me, that im never gonna make it?  N when i get the chance, ima jump n ima take it. Wait until you see me, ima be rollin high, reppin for mi raza, and the homies in the sky. Tell Big homie that i love him, cuz he my angel up above, watch over me n the family, n all the people that we love. Johnny up there too, he’s for realz my best friend, N i know its been awhile, but we’ll be together in the end. All these haterz all around me, offerin sins in form of drugs, got these people i call homies, but they say we look like thugs. All these people judgin but they don’t kno a thing, I know im not a rapper n i know that i can’t sing. Im just writin what im feelin, tellin you whats true, but it out here for no one, especially not you. You can hate this or you can love it, It dont matter either way, write me hate mail, gimme praise, but this the way that it gon stay. Love the haterz love the homies, cuz i know all yall just mad. Love my jefa, love my mom, but i got mad love for my dad. He aint here, but he can’t help it, he tryin all the same. He the reason im on this earth, n he’s why i got this name. Breann Elizabeth dont forget it, Go tell your homies that i said it. Member it cuz when i stop, ima be sittin on the top. Keep spittin lyrical madness in my head, im out im gone, this shyt heres dead.

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Falling in, and falling out, balancing them both is what this game is about. Don’t fall fast, don’t fall slow, don’t hold on, don’t let go. Can’t do this one wrong, teach me the right.  Living in the shadows, so all i see is night. Guide me through the dark, bring me into the light. Your my ray of sunshine, on a cloudy day. Better than the rainbow, when the storm has gone away. Im lost in your eyes, trippin over your swag, you had me at hello, your something i knew i had to have. Let me fall slowly and let me fall deep, It all feels like a dream, but i never fell asleep. Nothing tasted better than that strawberry ice cream, or getting sand in my sneakers when we were jumpping off swings. A walk in the park, and now your excavating my heart. I knew that you had me right from the start. Don’t walk too fast, I wanna go slow, I can’t wait to see you, and I don’t wanna go. Don’t play with my feelings, don’t mess with my head, lets do things right, by falling in love instead. Tell me a secret, and ill tell you mine, when im with you, I got all the time.

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Its me, the lost one, remember my name, cuz by the time i get through this ill never be the same. Im that girl you’ll see on TV, see my face across the screen, Ill be gettin all these haters, makin nice girls mean. Im not tryna start no drama, Im not wantin all this beef, I dont wanna just give up, and keep puffin off that leaf. Im wantin something better, Im needin somethin new, Ive been waitin for so long that i dont know what to do. Ima fighter not a crier, from me you see no tears, I let it out in silence as it grows insdie with fear.  Im not afraid of anything, except for my own mind, it eats away my sanity, one cell at a time. My self consiousness is fading, my minds in overdrive, the fact that my hearts racing must mean im still alive. Ultra violet lights, flashing in my head, i can hear myself breathing, but on the inside i feel dead. A weak corpse along the sidewalk, yet a troubled mind lays still awake, slipping away in darkness, this is all my mind can take. Leave me here ill make it, just like i always do, or I’ll leave this world still fighting, just like you told me to.

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Tears upon paper, pain within love. Hate upon leaving, i feel all the above. Your depaurte was brutal, the beating was rough, what hasn’t killed me made me stronger, and this wait has made me tough. This final streatch of wait, is whats killing me inside, so much i have to tell you, cuz theres nothing i shall hide. Me and you sync like clockwork, we’re just living in the time, We havent talked in forever yet you can keep me on cloud nine. The words i speak sound chezzy, but the feelings behind them are so true, and the connection they have between us, is only understood by me and you. We work like a storybook, but we dont wear slippers of glass, so your name repeats across my notebooks, as i doodle them in class. Words for you are not worthy, so i hope my actions shine bright, and take you by surprize, im about to steal the light. These last 4 weeks have been horrific, so lets keep it real from the very start, I can honestly say i love you, from the bottom of my heart <33

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Unorganized words spill from my mouth trying to form meaning withen madness. Trying to prove a direct point but being shot off of so many different directions. My words are all i have to give you because your too far away to prove to you anything in movements. And as my words fail to explain this crazy feeling i have for you, they fail me in so many more ways. My words give me power, in which i express everything else, but when it comes to you, they always fall short of the feeling trying to prevail itself to you. Words are just letters put together that are supposed to serve as symbols that we use to communicate. They don’t mean anything unless you put meaning into them. Put nothing in, you get nothing out. But why is it that im trying to put everything into my words i speak to you, yet the words that come out are used to much to really explain what im trying to say. I guess if i could show you id just cut my heart out and hand it to you tell you to look inside and see yourself, until you feel what i feel, see what i see, hear what i hear, live what ive lived you cant truely understand me… but i hope somewhere between my clumsy words and whispered confessions, that you can just imagine how im feeling right now…..

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Numb pain oozes from my limp body. Laying on my back staring into a space of nothingness. As my mind provides a dull film of weak images put together from the last thoughts creeping in the very corner of my brain. As scenes from my life replay silently yet i can hear the yelling so loud. The pain crawls through my body, starts at the center, spreads through my chest, shivers down my spine, drips down my legs, tingles in my toes. And creeps up again strengthening the tunnels of hurt it had paved before. It sneaks across my shoulders, and breathes along my neak, seeps down my arms and retreats to my fingertips. And crawls back up its line drawn before, rushes quickly to the  brain, as it fully registers to my whole body. Feeling the whispers of nothing in my ears, the hurtful tingle in my lips, and the sting of pain slithering to the tip of my tounge. The process is complete, my body shuts down, my mind goes into a deep sleep, my heart beats grow farther and farther apart, almost not heard at all. Im numb, feeling nothing, but feeling everything at the same time. Not thinking a single thought, but thinking thousands at once. Can’t see any image clear, but can view tham all so quickly flashing in my eyes at the same time. My safe feeling, when all hurt and pain is repeated over and over and over again, duluting itself in the process, like an ice cube inside a cup. The taste of hurt becoming less n less dominant until barely recognized, and the body can handle such toxins. This is the numb stage, the stage when death has already graced itself upon you yet the incident itself is waiting to prevail…. Im begging with no words no emotion no feeling, to end this misery now. Because if I am to wake from this stage… the pain shall be unbearable, and the pain itself, is a dose of death.

X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

When no one is there, to wipe away the tears, no one is there to tell you, its gonna be okay. When your sitting there alone, for hours, with a permanent stream of tears flowing from your eyes. When the darkness encases you and everything is so still, yet at the same time so shaky. When the very ground you stand on start breaking at your feet. When the time between breaks down decreases to less n less decreasing to nothing, but a constant flow of pain, being released but still gaining. When your pillow becomes your only comfort, and the thoughts running through your mind pass so fast yet all hurt at the same time. This… this is when you know your hurt… this is how strong people are made.  But when you lay awake at night, scared to fall asleep, scared to close your eyes, because you know the images your mind will produce. The painful memories that replay through your dreams, making each event even more horrid and painful to relive. When you can’t go certain places, because you know you will see him… there, just sitting, his menacing eyes stingging with no pity for those he’s hurt. When you look over your shoulder, every time you hear something behind you. When you never wanna be alone, because you worry he will come. When a name alone manages to put you back in that room, at that moment, living that same day again…. This is when your scared…. this is how people come to break.

x.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.

Comin out feet first, complications underway…. its so cold here, Quick on the inhale, forgetting i cant yet breathe. Filling my lungs with the fluids of this body that has incased me for the last 6 months of this fiasco. Hearin voices on the other side, but still cant see, feel the release, but im still not out. Can’t even cry yet, im stuck in the middle… between two worlds. Mine and theirs. Between my safe place and this world destined to hurt me, determined to destroy me, tempted to kill me, with no true attempt to love me. As i lay here in between these different worlds everything starts spinning. I hear the voices… they sound…. angry??? What have i done so wrong? I never asked to be born yet it happend and im convinced this was the mistake to lead me to my fate today. Heart rate drops… slowly my consiousnes fades away…. Lets do things all over again… what would you do different? Would we be here? In this place? With these problems?? Or would it just be you? Will my existance vanish? Along with the rest of the problems i have brought to you? Rush of relief comes as suddenly my lungs fill with oxygen, the cool touch of this cruel word pierces my body.  "Oh it’s a girl…. Im sorry" I hear as im handed to my new gaurdians… the people expected to care for me… this is my re birthing, this event to lead to so many more which will slowly kill me one by one… this is the beginging of a new way to end…. this is me.

 X.:Mizz_Tear_Drop:.